Bathroom stories of Bryant Middle School

Writing the post about unwritten bathroom rules made me think about some experiences in my life, particularly in my years at Bryant middle school.

At Bryant there were 5 urinals in the largest bathroom in the school. It was said that if you peed in the one that was in the order of the day of the week, (ex the one on the left would be Monday, the 2nd from the left would be Tuesday) then you'd have good luck for the day. If you were really a daredevil with a full bladder, then you'd attempt to pee in every urinal in one stream. This would be the equivalent to a whole week of good luck. It was not an uncommon sight to see a boy shuffling across the urinals.

When I was in middle school and people started implementing these motion censored toilets, I didn't know what they were. I thought they were little cameras trying to watch me do my business. I foiled the perverts plot though by covering my hand over the "camera" while I was going to the bathroom.

Another thing those middle schoolers did was go to the bathroom everywhere EXCEPT the toilet or urinal. Waste baskets often had more people pooping in them than the toilets!

One last story was probably the most deranged out of all of them. Some guys decided they wanted to see if they could all poop in one toilet and not flush to see how high it got. These guys managed to get it over the toilet seat!

I really feel sorry for the janitors at that school.

The Unwritten Rules: of the Men's Bathroom

I've been thinking about what to post here lately with me being on winter break and nothing exciting happening lately and unfortunately for you this is what first popped into my head. I decided to write down the rules that every man knows when entering the wasteland known as the men's bathroom. Violation of these rules results in losing one's "man card"

1. All conversation ends upon entering the domain to focus on his "duty". It's surprisingly a very strange sound when you hear guys violating this rule.

2. If possible avoid taking a urinal next to someone. It's just wrong.

3. Beware urinals that either don't have shields or are faulty and reflex your pee back at you. You want shields because you don't trust anyone in the men's bathroom and I don't think I have to explain the last one.

4. What sounds happen in the bathroom....stay in the bathroom. If you have to laugh then walk out and enjoy a hardy laugh. This rule is necessary when one has the runs.

5. Pick the farthest stall from the door. It has a 26% chance of not being full of other guys poop and pee contrary to the .03% of the first stall.

College Chronicles: No Shave November

As a male college student, you face a choice when the month of November comes around. To shave or not to shave. Not shaving means that you get to bond with your fellow men as you all develop your own patchy fur on your face. On the other hand, if you do shave, unless your face is just that ugly, the girls are going to be more attracted to you. At the beginning of November, I was interested in swooning a girl and I felt the best way to do that was by shaving. My lab group, Alex L, Alex N, and Alessandro all did no shave November. It was really interesting because both Alex N and Alessandro grow really fast beards, while Alex L....lets say had the face of a 5th grader.

Since both Alexs would get frustrated when they thought they were called but it was the other Alex, we decided to call Alex L "patches" over no shave November. Alex L could barely grow sideburns and had probably a combined 8 moustache hairs and 3 chin hairs. I once didn't shave for 3 days during no shave November, and I had more facial hair than Alex after 21 days. Sure Alex didn't like it... but since we were all bigger than him, he had to put up with it anyways.

Looking back, I wish I did no shave November, but heck I still have next year! Hopefully by then blond beards will be in style! Oh and for the record, I can grow a nice beard. I'm not "Patches 2.0"!